My Monastery Stay

Last week, I spent three days at the Benedictine monastery of St. Mary's in Petersham, MA. I arrived just before Sext and settled in a little. Immediately after Sext, male retreatants eat with the monks. The monks eat in silence and stick to pretty strict vegetarian diet. That day's main course was a vegetable quiche. I spent much time in prayer. The monks pray the seven canonical hours. I prayed most of that with them. I also prayed the Rosary four times a day during those days, even experimenting with John Paul II's Luminous Mysteries. Mental or contemplative prayer is pretty difficult for me now with all the distractions of life. With the structure of prayer life already set into place, I was able have some meaningful prayer time, especially in front of the Blessed Sacrament in the monastery church. I was able to find some peace in the stillness of monastic life. The verse from Psalms, "Be still and know that I am God" was on my mind and my lips throughout the three days. I am beginning to accept that my loss of Robin is the will of God and nothing can alter it. Her death is part of a larger reality--one which we cannot begin to fathom.

One of the monks, Br. Jerome was asked to offer me some pointed spiritual direction. He mostly listened and offered counsel from solid rock of Scripture and the Church Fathers. It was much appreciated. No platitudes were offered. It was much different than that chaplain, who on the night of Robin's death, consoled me explaining reincarnation. Brother Jerome spoke with grace and simplicity, not pretending to know any answers. He recommended some reading. I began to read Jean-Pierre Caussade's Abandonment to Divine Providence. The basic thrust of which is that the present moment has a sort of sacramental nature and that we should abandon ourselves to the Grace which is contained in it. Even a horrible time like this contains Grace. The created order, through Christ, is made to help in the salvation of mankind. Robin's passing, as devastating as it is for me, contains Grace if only I have faith and trust in God's mercy. And I do have faith and I trust in the mercy and goodness of God. I loved Robin more than I have ever loved anyone in the world and her death has seemingly left my life empty but God will redeem this suffering and it will, in the end, be ordered to my salvation. I

My experience at St. Mary's is pretty similar Robin and my experience at S. Gregory's Abbey in Michigan. It was actually a nice corollary doing something that Robin and I did together. She would have really enjoyed the solid music program there. She was a such a musical person. The Gregorian Chant there was well sung and with the addition of the nuns from neighboring community, the effect was angelic. The acoustics in the church were really good. This is in sharp contrast to the music at Saint Gregory's, at which Robin let out a few chuckles. She was a funny person. She theorized that those monks turned into cats after Compline. The solemnity of Catholic worship was something goofy. She really kept me in check and didn't let me become too goofy of an Anglo-Catholic. To her the liturgy should be a presentation of the Gospel, in which people are transformed in Christ. But isn't that true. Sometime people get carried away with incense and vestments and choral Masses. She thought the church should be inclusive and welcoming and at the same time, holy. I think they pulled that off at St. Mary's and Robin would have been pleased.